What Funerals and Shivas Can Teach Us About a Life Well Lived

I’ve attended a few funerals and shivas recently. Shiva is the Jewish mourning period when family and friends gather after someone dies. Every time I leave one, I find myself thinking about life a little differently.

There’s something about hearing people talk about someone after they’re gone that makes you pay attention to what really mattered. The stories are about how they made people feel, who they showed up for, and the little things they did that maybe no one else even knew about.

One of the men who recently passed away used to message me from time to time just to encourage me and support what I was doing. His wife had no idea he was even doing that. At his shiva, she told me that person after person was sharing similar stories with her. That was simply who he was. He made people feel seen.

At another shiva, for a friend’s father, I listened to younger relatives talk about the impact he had on their lives. His influence reached his children and grandchildren, nieces, nephews and extended family. You could hear what it meant to have a patriarch like that in a family, someone whose influence reached far beyond his immediate circle.

More recently, at another funeral, I found myself reflecting all over again.

Maybe one of the most useful questions we can ask ourselves while we’re still here is: What would I want people to say about me when I’m gone?

The answer tells us something about how we want to live right now. I want to be remembered as someone who encouraged people, showed up, and made people feel important, loved, supported or included.

A eulogy is really a collection of the moments we’re creating today. Lately, that feels like a pretty good compass for how I want to live.