Friendship in Midlife: The Gift of Feeling Included

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who make room.

I was thinking about this recently after walking into a social situation where I didn’t know a lot of the people very well. Some I was just getting to know. Some had known each other for years. And I just felt welcomed.

Not in some big, obvious way, it just felt easy. I was genuinely grateful to be included, and I found myself talking to people, getting to know them and really enjoying being there. It got me thinking about friendship in midlife, especially how different it feels at this stage of life.

For so many years, a lot of our friendships came with built-in connections. Our kids were friends. We stood on the same sidelines. We lived in the same neighborhoods. We went to the same school events. We spent weekends at the same games, parties and activities. There was a reason our lives kept crossing.

And some of those friendships became the people who know our history. The people who watched our kids grow up and who were there for so many different versions of our lives. I value those friendships more than ever.

But this stage is different. My kids are grown. I’ve moved. I’m finding myself in new places and around people whose lives didn’t necessarily overlap with mine before. And I’m realizing how much I enjoy that too.

There’s something really nice about walking into a room without years of history and still feeling like there’s a place for you. No standing on ceremony, or worrying about who has known whom the longest or where you fit into the group. Just people making you feel welcome.

Maybe that’s one of the things I’m growing into at this stage of life. Appreciating the history I have with the people who have known me for years, while also being really open to the people I’m just getting to know. There’s room for both, and lately, I’m really grateful for that.