Embracing Independence: The Heartfelt Journey of Letting Your Children Move On

This past week, two of our sons moved. And for the first time, I wasn’t there for it. Not physically, anyway.

I had done some prep work back in June to help our youngest move his furniture into his place for the school year, but when it came time to move out of his summer sublet and drive his stuff (by himself!) from Manhattan to Maryland… he just did it. First time ever driving through the city, through the boroughs, over the bridges.

He called me from the car while using Waze and figuring it out as he crossed the Verrazzano Bridge. (Fun fact… my grandparents used to bring chairs and sit along the water with their friends and watch as the bridge was being built.) He sounded both stressed and proud. And honestly, so was I.

New York City moves are a whole thing. You can’t leave a car unattended, even for a second. So he picked up one of his brothers to sit in the car while he went back and forth into the apartment to load everything up. Once it was packed, he dropped him off. I loved hearing how they helped each other, just showing up and getting it all done. That kind of teamwork between siblings is something I’ll never take for granted. As an only child, it’s fascinating to watch how they navigate things together. It’s their own kind of rhythm, and I love seeing it unfold.

Before he left Manhattan solo, I reminded him, like any mom would, that he should probably eat something before the drive. You can’t just pull over in the city and leave your car to grab a bite. Sure enough, he had already arranged for his brother to bring him a sandwich for his drive. He was ready. Honestly, that might have impressed me more than anything else.

Our middle son, 23, handled his own move in New York City too. He went from one really small apartment to an even smaller one, but this one is better located, not next to a hospital or fire station, so hopefully no more sirens every 15 minutes. He went to Home Depot to grab boxes, but they were out of the usual sizes, so most of his move ended up happening with garbage bags. Classic. But he was proud that he got bubble wrap and packed all the kitchen stuff carefully with bubble wrap and paper. He hired TaskRabbits, packed up everything with his roommate (who’s also his cousin), and took care of it all. I’ve never seen that apartment personally. We FaceTimed mid-mess and again later so I could help with furniture placement. It was actually kind of fun to be part of that from afar.

I like to think of myself as not being a helicopter mom, but maybe I should ask my kids where I stand. I do love being in the mix. I like helping. I like seeing things firsthand.

I’ve included a picture of our youngest’s finished room for next school year. He said all he needs now is to hang some things on the walls. We worked together online, scrolling through Amazon for blackout curtains and a rug to make it cozier. He sent me this photo once he had everything in place. How cute that he got it all together, and it looks so good.

So yeah, I’m stretching. I’m growing. I’m taking a page from Let Them and learning that sometimes the best support is simply trusting them to figure it out on their own.

Even if every part of me still wanted to pack a bag and run up to New York City to help.​